Pain is Beauty. Beauty is Pain. That’s how the saying goes.

I strapped on the new pair of black alligator pumps and headed to the office today. It’s my newest version of  Beauty is pain AKA how to be an idiot. Besides the fact that for me these are as verboten as them come. I swear, if one of my surgeons ever lands on my site I’m in big trouble.

These days post-surgery I am even weaker. Let’s just say my core restrengthening has a way to go. My midsection is still experiencing the adventures of extraction.

One of my biggest physical struggles in recovering is my abdominal scar. The few friends I’ve shared it with think it is beautiful.   It does feel like a badge of honor, the mark of a survivor. Therefore Pain IS Beauty.

It is raised and twisted and purple. Keloid they call it. It itches regularly and occasionally feels like someone is using my belly as a pin cushion or perhaps voodoo doll.

Unlike the scar from my breast lumpectomy preformed 5 days prior it is anything but smooth and flat. Someone told me breast surgeons care more about aesthetics. But in the case of my surgeon, I can assure you saving my life as I began losing over a 1/5 of my blood volume was his priority. Not whether I’d wear a bikini again. And to him I’m eternally grateful.

A nurse I recently met suggested some silicone bandages to try. I’ll let you know if they give me any relief and aid in the healing process. Because god forbid I get a little bloated. I am one unhappy camper.

But as the recruiter astutely pointed out I don’t have any plans of becoming a swimsuit model.  True enough, but this sparked an idea. I want to make a swimsuit calendar showing all the scars left by cancer. Then sell them to raise funds for cancer research. Anyone with me?

Because honestly pain is beauty. Throughout this process I have discovered more about my own inner workings, my fortitude, the breadth I can bear. It has made me stronger. And that kind of grow is a thing of beauty. All the men and women I know who have fought cancer are warriors- brave and beautiful.

I think this will be my pose, perfect for displaying the glory of my scar.

I’d have done a little photo shopping if I didn’t think Sports Illustrated would have my head. BTW Sports Illustrated, Nike, Dove….

You interested in raising a little money for cancer? I know the perfect photographer. Call me. We’ll plan a calendar.